Alena

Everybody has a story. This is a collection about the people, places and events that have shaped the lives of women across the country. From moments of empowerment to the times when their bodies stop belonging to them, these are the true stories of faceless women who make up a generation.

There are times when I’m singing with my acapella group, and I take a moment to stop and listen to how great we all sound. There are times when my sorority is struggling, but I can feel us working to rebuild. I take a step back, look at the amazing women in these organizations that I am a part of, and am just in awe of the way we can work together to create something beautiful. That’s what I needed when I came to college.

Growing up, I always had guy friends. Girls cause too much drama, and I didn’t have the patience for it. When I came to college it seemed strange that I would want to join the all-girls acapella group or that I wanted to be in a sorority. It wasn’t about having “girl friends;” it was about having positive female role models. My mom has always been my role model, and without her here, I needed a group of women to fill that void.

My mom is the most amazing woman I have ever met. I can talk to her about anything. She is my best friend, and my relationship with her is possibly the biggest blessing in my life. Part of the reason we are so close is because my dad wasn’t always around growing up.

My dad is a polygamist. I grew up in the Middle East, where polygamy isn’t the norm, but it is accepted. People think that kids don’t understand much, but I understood perfectly when my mom sat down my three-year-old self and told me that my father was getting married the next day. I understood, but that didn’t make it any easier.

My mother was so upset, and she fought hard against it. Eventually, she realized that she couldn’t do anything to change his mind, and she had to let it happen. It became a reality for me: My dad has another wife; another family. It came with a weird sense of shame. I love my family very much, but it was hard to talk about, especially when I moved to the United States for college. It’s just not the type of thing people understand, and it plays into negative stereotypes of my culture that I don’t want to perpetuate.

My parents are still married, but they’re separated now. I feel like it has made me understand that, yes, I have an unconventional, maybe even a little messed up, family — but so does everyone.

This family situation helped lead to my close relationship with my mother, and I am forever grateful for that. Some people thought my mom was weak for not walking away from my dad to find love for herself again, but I think everyone got it wrong. It took so much courage for her to stay instead of leaving. She made that decision for my siblings and I, and maybe I’m wrong, but I think choosing to sacrifice your happiness for other people is true strength. That’s what my mom taught me growing up: sometimes other people need you there, and you just need to suck it up and do it. She taught me how to be the strongest woman I can be while still standing up for what I believe in.

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