Alchemical Cooking for the Soul

FOOD

Cooking with and for loved ones who have passed away

I see the date. It grows bigger and bolder. It is etched in my mind. I see the name of my best friend from high school. I see the name of a dear friend. I think of my mother. All three share the same birthday — today. February 23rd. All were spread across the timeline, arriving on this planet at different years but all on the same day. Only one of them is still alive. Both my best friend and my mother died of cancer. It’s hard to see this date and not cry. I’m starting to learn that that’s okay.

I’m lighting the candle that I made for my mother to celebrate her birthday. She would have been 63 today. She lives in all the stories I tell of her, the memories I have of her, through her candles and the gift of candle-making that she passed to me, and through her food. It is through food that I wish to establish a deeper connection with her.

I never made a candle with my mom. I never cooked for my mom. She always did everything. To say I am a “mama’s boy” is an understatement. When she died, a very large and real part of me died with her. I was just entering my 40s, COVID wasn’t going to show up until later in the year, and she was just about to turn 60. She didn’t make it to her birthday. Today, I’m doing things I never did for her. I’m baking her a cake. I’m making her favorite dinner. I’m celebrating the life of the woman that gave me life and through my words and actions, I will surrender myself to gratitude to be alive.

It’s a little funny, to say that last little bit. It was only a month ago that I came out of the darkest depression of my life. From August 2021 until January of this year, I didn’t want to be here. Now I surge with passion and vigor and love and candlelight and I’m doing all the things I never had the courage to do before. What changed? The way I thought about death changed which in turn changed the way that I thought about life.

So how is all of this about food? Thank you, little narrator, that runs the show…this is all about Food because food holds emotions and food brings those emotions to life when it is prepared. I don’t cook in a…

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