Confessing My Crimes

Survival of the Fittest

Spooktober Week 4 Prompts: I confess my crimes

Mean-spirited, rebellious, jealous, fragile selfish brat who thought the world revolved around her. Yep, that was how I lived much of my adult life, and I am not proud of it. After many failed relationships and friendships, I finally had the epiphany and realized that I was the common denominator in my shit show life. The problem was not the people around me; the problem was that unrecognizable person in the mirror, a dim reflection of who I wanted to be.

Similar to the animals in nature, their instinct is to not go down without a fight. And for many animals, when they feel threatened fighting becomes their necessary defense mechanism. When humans feel threatened, we can choose to either fight or flight. Unfortunately, fighting and rebelling became my armors in this game of life.

Life ain’t easy and war is brutal, you know what they say, survival of the fittest. So, after many unhealed scars as well as fresh battle wounds, my defense was to build an armor of protection, the only way I saw fit to potentially win this battle. However, this protective armor created more harm than good. It was engineered with such precision that it deflected all who dared to penetrate it. As a result, I became closed off to exploring any meaningful relationships.

This armor hardened my heart because I did not want to risk getting hurt again. My crime was that I became a mean-spirited human full of jealousy because I could not figure out how to achieve my own happiness. This war was intense y’all and there were many times I licked my wounds in silence.

You have heard the quote that says hurt people hurt people, right? Well, in my brokenness (I dislike this word), I did my share of hurting other people, and at times my weapons were…

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