What my Three Year Old is teaching me about Negotiation

As a Supply Chain professional negotiation is something that I am probably more conscious of than perhaps people in a lot of other jobs and rightly so I guess. Negotiation is a constant in everyday life, perhaps most obviously though in dealing with young children as I am currently experiencing. (I will caveat this with the fact I have no experience of parenting older children, so if it does get worse, please spare me the angst and leave that for me to work out down the line).

In Supply Chain the art of negotiation can often be underrated and undervalued and as I reflected on this recently, I was humoured to realise just how good my 3 1/2 year old son was at negotiating, so I have tried to pull out what exactly I think makes him such a good negotiator and what I can learn from him:

One of the most fundamental reasons Zac is so successful, is based on the relationship we have. I know it’s an obvious one to kick off with, but he likes to spend time with me (and I’m making the most of this season) — we play games, we chat and make memories. The result is that he is regularly accumulating ‘social capital’, which maximise his chances of success when he petitions me about ‘one more story’ or ‘last one?’ — because he’s put me into a position where I am more likely to agree or to offer what he wants because I genuinely want the best for him, I know him and know what pleases him. Simply put, he knows how and when to turn on the charm. And it works.

Now I’m not about to suggest incorporating board games in monthly reviews or giving suppliers a piggy back round the office, but it does challenge me in terms of what type of relationship I have with my suppliers? Do they only hear from me when I want something or when there is a problem? Or am I making the effort to get to know things about them? Do I remember them when we catch up?

People do business with people.

2. Timing is everything.

When Zac wants something that he knows is in “limited” supply — like chocolate or watching something on TV, he knows the art of a well timed request to maximise his chances. I may be busy juggling my daughter when she is crying, be busy on the phone or trying to cook dinner and he seizes his opportunity like a pro.

I guess this is an extension on the first point in terms of knowing our suppliers and the right times to be asking for discounts; am I aware of what drivers they are motivated by? Am I aware of any sales targets they need to hit? Can deadlines be an advantage? This isn’t about ‘getting one over’ on the other party, it’s about identifying ways to deliver a win-win so that both benefit from the negotiation.

3. Speak to a decision maker.

“Can I watch Woody and Buzz on your phone?” — Literally the first thing Zac asks me when I get downstairs after work, I made the mistake of showing him some clips on youtube once and now it is something he asks for daily. Regardless of whether I say yes or no, Zac immediately then asks my wife. He knows who the decision maker is!

Only in writing this article has the penny dropped as to why he does it, but it’s so clever. Whilst I thought I was covertly communicating with my wife to understand whether he was OK to watch it or not, actually what he has realised is that she holds the keys to that decision, and so to her he runs.

In a work sphere then it challenges me on whether I am conscious of whether I know the decision makers when I am negotiating? And whether I am regularly seeking to build a picture of who the decision makers and what limitations they may or may not have to operate within. This can be really powerful intel to be armed with and can save a lot of time and effort.

4. Courageous communication

One of the best things about young children is their lack of a filter. I don’t have to guess how Zac feels or what he wants. It is plain as day, when he doesnt like my decision, I know about it, when he wants something, he asks. Simple.

As I reflected on the impact of this in a negotiation setting there were a couple of standout benefits:

So there it is, a few snippets that my son seems to be revealing to me through pure intrinsic human nature. Natural negotiation. Here’s hoping it challenges and encourages you too.

And as John Bolton says;

“Negotiation is not a policy. It’s a technique. It’s something you use when it’s to your advantage, and something that you don’t use when it’s not to your advantage.”

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